Ten movies that taught me about love
1. The Princess Bride. This is one of those movies that even a dude will sit down and watch. I can’t help but think that maybe if some of the guys I’ve dated would had watched this more often, they’d be less emotionally retarded. Doubtful, though.
2. Gone With The Wind. I want a Rhett Butler. The only problem with this is there’s a very fine line between Rhett Butler and complete asshole. And my ex-boyfriends are notoriously incapable of finding that spot - or any other spot, for that matter.
3. Love Actually. This movie makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Like there’s actually someone for everyone. Then I wake up with a horrible wine hangover.
4. Titanic. SHUT UP. When I saw this movie, I was going through puberty. I thought it was the most romantic thing ever and lusted after Leonardo DiCaprio like, well, a girl going through puberty. I’ll never let go, Jack… I’ll never let go…
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This movie taught me a good-but-bad lesson: To remember the good times you shared with someone when the inevitable bad times come. Unfortunately, I have the tendency to take it too far. And ride out obviously unhealthy realationships to their final, gruesome conclusion.
6. Pretty Woman. I can be a total whore (literally), but if I’m charming enough a rich man will fall for me.
7. Forrest Gump. I can be a total retard (literally), but if I’m charming enough the whore of my dreams will fall for me.
8. Beauty and the Beast. Cohabitation before marriage is not a sin as long as it’s with an animal. On that same note, beastiality is not a sin. Oh, and some shit about beauty being skin deep or something.
9. Lady and the Tramp. Nothing says I love you like a meatball that you’ve touched with your nose. Actually, that’s a lie. What I learned is you have to tell a guy what you want, otherwise you’ll end up with a nose meatball.
10. Atonement. Sometimes love is a total kick in the proverbial balls. This isn’t a happy movie, but love isn’t always a happy thing.
