February 2009
Ten movies that taught me about love
1. The Princess Bride. This is one of those movies that even a dude will sit down and watch. I can’t help but think that maybe if some of the guys I’ve dated would had watched this more often, they’d be less emotionally retarded. Doubtful, though.
2. Gone With The Wind. I want a Rhett Butler. The only problem with this is there’s a very fine line between Rhett Butler and...
January 2009
“But with dogs, we do have “bad dog”. Bad dog exists. “Bad dog! Bad...”
– Eddie Izzard, actor, comedian, executive transvestite
Fact: A vagina is not a clown car.
I fail to see the appeal in having litters of children. I watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 from time to time and can’t help but think, “Seriously? Who wants that?” I’ll admit, I’m not too keen on the concept of breeding anyway. But if I do ever get retarded – err, pregnant – I sure as hell don’t want to be squirting an offensive line out of my snatch.
Beyond the repugnancy of being a baby factory, comes...
"I'm so committed to going green that I've...
I figured this tweet deserved a little more explanation.
Let me begin with this: being single sucks. However, my crippling case of date-tardation and general distaste for people makes meeting qualified dating candidates a migraine-inducing process. I’ve said many times that I function better in a relationship. There’s comfort in being paired up, I believe. So I suppose one could say that I’m a...
All American Rejects cover of Britney...
The 8th thing you (probably) don't want to know...
emzbulletproof:
I have a vague recollection of drinking copious amounts of keg beer, smoking dope & taking multiple jello shots (JELLO SHOTS?! remember those!?) that balmy evening in 1998. It was summertime and I was enjoying yet another drink-til-you-puke-or-pass-out college party. In my hazy, delirious state, I decided it was the perfect time to take a quick jaunt to the river. Yes, folks,...
bringtheruckuss's 5 more tips to get the girl
carlyjo:
bringtheruckuss:
1: learn to eat out…and i’m not talking about applebees
2: keep your short and curlies trimmed
3: do romantic stuff asshole, surprise picnics and shit.
4: never talk shit about her fucked up family. she can, but you can’t.
5: if shes excited about something, guess the fuck what? you’re ass better be too!
bonus tip: employment.
It’s not so hard, fellas....
Seven [7] things.
One.
Although I wouldn’t necessarily call myself “shy,” per se. It does take me a while to warm up to people. I’m a lurker – err, “observer.” I have to let the crazy out bit by bit and gauge the responses of the people around me. It’s not a fear of rejection, really. It’s more of an unwillingness to spend my time listening to someone drone on if we obviously have nothing in common. Also, I’m not...
“I shit on the chest of Fun.”
– Hunter S. Thompson, journalist, author, cynic
The NFL. Is that still a thing?
The professional football season is over. There wasn’t even a Superbowl. What? It’s not over yet? Wow. Well regardless, it’s dead to me. No, I’m not one of those girly girls who don’t understand the game and therefore despises it. I could watch football all day if the games were decent. But still, this season is dead to me.
I am a Colts fan. Rather, I’m a Peyton Manning fan. Anyone who can make a...
New Year's Resolution [number two]
This year, I think I need to poop more often. Wow, sorry. That came out a little more blunt than I’d intended, but it’s true. That should be my other New Year’s resolution.
I often ponder the mystery that is regularity. I mean my ex-boyfriend was quite proud of the fact he drops a deuce daily. I, on the other hand, think there’s something wrong with that. I’ve got more important things to do than...
New Year's Resolution [of course]
Like millions of other people, I’ve decided to make weight loss my New Year’s resolution. I know, I know. How original. Cut the sarcasm.
I’m sure everyone has a his or her own unique reason to lose weight. Whether that reason is to be around longer for the kids or manage a medical condition of some sort. But quite frankly, my reason is pure vanity. I’m going to be a...