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I am a ray of sunshine - starting fires and causing cancer.

A jack of all asses.

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Mission Statement

To be the best Internet jackass I can be and provide customers with unparalleled service in a completely non-sexual way.

Disclaimer

The content of this blog is a celebration of irreverence. Its purpose is to entertain, connect and serve as a forum for my ranting, grumbles and over-sharing. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions of my employer, parents, grandparents, civilized society, most animal species or myself when not menstruating. Quite frankly, they are the product of a deeply disturbed mind. In short, this blog is not for human consumption. If ingested, induce vomiting.

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5 July 09
When it came to decorating her home, my mother was nothing if not practical. She learned early on that children will destroy whatever you put in front of them, so for most of my youth our furniture was chosen for its durability rather than for its beauty. The one exception was the dining room set my parents bought shortly after they were married. Should a guest eye the buffet for longer than a second, my mother would jump in to prompt a compliment. “You like it?” she’d ask. “It’s from Scandinavia!” This, we learned, was the name of a region, a cold and forsaken place where people stayed indoors and plotted the death of knobs.
David Sedaris, “This Old House” (via hurtling)

Reblogged: hurtling

Posted: 10:04 PM
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

trapezemusic:

aimee-b-loved:

My mom can out-guilt your mom

What’s throwing a sheet?

Throwing a sheep, actually. On SuperPoke.

Reblogged: trapezemusic

Posted: 9:55 PM
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
My mom can out-guilt your mom
Posted: 9:45 PM
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Oh, mom…

My mother has decided that she needs to be on Facebook. She already complains that I don’t visit or call. Now she can leave me a comment about how I’m such a bad daughter who doesn’t visit or call her poor mother.

PS - She doesn’t really sound like that. But that’s what I hear.

4 July 09
3 July 09
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Song of the Day:

Peter Bjorn and John “Nothing to Worry About”

This, the intermission music from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and the Charlie Brown music have been playing in my head today.

Posted: 10:45 PM

Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.

Best band ever. Amirite?

Posted: 10:31 PM
Posted: 10:30 PM
Posted: 10:07 PM
bohemea:
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, 1986
This was right outside my hotel room… 23 years later…

bohemea:

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, 1986

This was right outside my hotel room… 23 years later…

Reblogged: bohemea